A Lot Ado About Sex With Lesbians | Autostraddle

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This has been a big few days for homosexual-related very first individual narratives in liberal-and-feminist-but-mostly-heterosexual guides!

All of our very first portion relates to you via xojane, the women’s internet site went up by Jane Pratt (my personal character)

(i am really serious) of




Titled ”
I’m a Lesbian Pillow Princess
,” this part is part of the “it just happened in my experience” function that also existed at JANE magazine and consists mostly of writer/reader-submitted accounts of subjectively fascinating private experiences.

The unknown author of this part, whom we’ll phone “Ariel,” is bisexual, but because she easily provides blow tasks to the woman male associates but does not day or often go-down on females, she actually is, she clarifies, theoretically, merely a ”


Pillow Princess.” (She additionally means herself as “mostly straight” and “directly” at various other things in narrative.) Her reputation began, she clarifies, when her first lesbian hookup — a smokin’ hot dyke called Kelly at her college — went down on the for one hour. She la-la-la-loved it then straight away fled the scene fearing her very own incapacity to execute these types of fantastic cunnilingus upon Kelly for such a prolonged time period.

She produces:

“Needless to say, word got around that she and that I had installed and therefore I’d remaining this lady dangling, which had the odd effectation of offering me personally folk-heroine position. Kelly called myself a “pillow princess,” and henceforth, I was one. It absolutely was like some kind of movie conceit in which the champion is recognised incorrectly as a hollywood and extends to ride in a limo and stay in a fancy hotel as a result of it.”

This it seems that totally exercised in her own favor, as she romped about in school starting up with many “aggressive kinds which got off regarding proven fact that I was reluctant to leave a lady touch myself.” Post-college, she shifted with the internet, where she promoted the lady calm standing and sometimes met up with women for NSA gender.

Nearby the end she problematically explains that whenever setting up with a female she is perhaps not interested in, she merely shuts the woman eyes and envisions some other person “while [the lesbian] does the woman thing.” Often it may seem like she desires women to eat the woman out simply because they truly are allegedly better at it than men are. She


drop in it but “I am not internet dating all of them, and that I do not think i’d desire my personal fetish corrupted by looking after a person adequate to give back.”

I mightnot need to sit down next to Ariel on an aircraft, but the woman one-sided sexual experiences are consensual and she’s simply telling a true story of the woman life, and so I’m not really certain things to model of this (and that I’m interested to understand what you create of it, if something).


After that, on Jezebel (via
The Favorable Men Project
) we have
I Married a Lesbian (And I’m a man)
. The writer, Hugo Schwyzer, “tended for crushes for a passing fancy version of woman: the celebrity basketball player, the football forward, the swimmer. Some had been lesbians. Some were not.” The guy wondered:

The facts that drew myself frequently to ladies who were same-sex attracted? It really wasn’t the stereotypical male dream in what they were undertaking in bed, and it undoubtedly had nothing at all to do with a macho belief that i really could switch a gay woman straight.

In parts, the portion (which really does tred on some stereotypical surface) reminded myself of this quotation from

The Girls Next Door

that we quoted in articles about feminine masculinity

“…if we’d to produce one other generalization about lesbian taste, it might be that a lot of united states tend to be powerfully interested in women, gay or right, breathtaking or perhaps not, who seem as though they could manage on their own.”

The author at some point marries a lesbian who provided as direct, and then he discovered their own causing sexual life are unsatisfactory. She refused to provide him blow jobs and didn’t enjoy entrance but happily approved their offerings of cunnilingus. Whenever their sexless matrimony concluded in divorce case and a drug relapse (for him), he or she is seemingly caring to his ex-wife’s fight in the place of labeling the woman as misleading (as many from the commenters do):

She had result from a traditional household who would have been deeply embarrassed to own a gay kid. She may usually have known, but did the girl better to hide it, perhaps wishing that the woman feelings might alter. Or she might-have-been like more than a few ladies I recognized, and simply discovered the woman genuine intimate identity after already getting hitched to one.

What is actually redeeming about it article for me that the author’s conception of his or her own gender is usually without the traditional male posturing one might expect in a piece like this (the guy even describes themselves as “femmy”). Perhaps it simply appears that means because guys so rarely reveal wishing powerful, athletic, powerful ladies with short-hair; but it is refreshing none the less.

I really don’t fault Hugo or Ariel for informing their tales, but it’s well worth mentioning that both narratives frequently drive throughout the idea that room behavior could be the ultimate/only litmus examination of sexuality. Hugo and Courtney enjoy one another’s business, but Hugo cites Courtney’s disinterest in entrance as a “warning indication” he skipped, whenever entrance is actually barely an entirely heterosexual work (it seems more likely Courtney feared the closeness of entrance with a man she failed to truly want becoming with, yet you never know) and slipping crazy, in the long run, is all about the snatch but it’s in addition about your cardiovascular system and it is typically about having enchanting feelings. Those enchanting emotions are what transforms a hook-up commitment into a relationship, most likely.

Finally at


there is a nice story straight from horse’s throat —
My First Time: Female. 17. San Francisco
. I do believe here is the first time the “first-time” series provides presented a lesbian.

Generally, in ninth quality, the writer confessed to the woman companion that she had lesbian emotions on her, along with her closest friend reciprocated, plus they proceeded to carry on a stealth lesbian commitment and they’re still together now and she is a grown-up for the army!

It seems they’ve however to take their unique union out from the cabinet, and that’s some puzzling, but whatever

. [


: ends up this story was actually written before DADT ended up being repealed, though it just adopted released, thus there’s nothing puzzling occurring here. This is just straight-up sweet atlanta divorce attorneys way, unequivocally.]

The focus on the portion (and that is really sexy and sweet) is on the writer’s development of
what lesbian sex IS

We’d never gone down for each additional, and I ended up being pretty sure that’s what we’d meant as soon as we mentioned we wanted to have intercourse. (Now I realize that absolutely even more to fucking than slurping a girl’s pussy and calling it every single day.)

She concludes:

I know that many individuals differ in what virginity ways to a gay lady, but virginity is entirely personal, and it truly is dependent on who you’re inquiring. Many people might say entrance needs to be involved, but In my opinion it really is up to the person shedding their virginity. Basically feel just like I missing my personal virginity, after that goddammit, We have!

I have invested almost all of the morning and afternoon watching word press, trying to puzzle out what point I could make about these pieces. I imagined many about why we’d never submit “I Was a Lesbian Pillow Princess” about web site but can not see through the reason that I’d worry 50 of you would vow to prevent go back here therefore the remaning many-thousands people would combat with one another about bisexual erasure/lesbian erasure till the heating loss of the universe. We envisioned some body distributing “I happened to be a Lesbian Pillow Princess” to you via email and We dreamed the article conference where we might can that tale as well as state “NO” in addition.

In on the lookout for a point to gleam from all of these tales, I tried to figure out what you would think or say, and I also are unable to, and I desire to finish this blog post as soon as possible to speed up the whole process of myself discovering what you think about these tales. Yup, the very first time since starting Autostraddle, I’ve had gotten little idea things to say about something. Therefore maybe i will merely ask you to answer — what exactly is the reaction to these pieces?

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